Well, we got bad news this week... Our neighbors sold their house, and they are moving at the end of the month. They are great people; good strong Christians like us. Recently, we suffered with them through the tragedy of their baby that was stillborn. They were exemplary and inspirational in their handling of the situation, although I do wonder if that tragedy prompted the move (just to get away, and get a fresh start). We will miss their companionship dearly.
Anyway, we heard this week that their house sold to two women. I'm assuming they're lesbians, which does worry me a bit. As Christians, we disagree with homosexuality, and I also really am not ready to have that kind of discussion with my young children. Now, before you label me as something I'm not, I don't hate homosexuals. I disagree their lifestyle, and I believe it's a sin. However, I don't feel that it's any greater sin than I have in my own life, and that I deal with. The difference is that I recognize my flaws and mistakes as sins, while homosexuals don't believe they're sinning. That's their prerogative. I don't feel that I'm in a position to tell them how to live their lives, since I believe we'll all be accountable on judgment day. However, I also don't believe that means I have to condone their choices for my life or my kids' lives.
I believe that all Americans deserve and have the right to life, liberty, home, and the pursuit of happiness (pursuant to the law). I'm not saying that I don't think they should be able to buy the house; I'm just saying that I don't agree with the life they live, and I don't want that type of influence around my kids. As a Christian, we are to love the sinner and hate the sin, so I suppose I can teach that lesson to my kids. I just wish my kids were older, and able to understand the scope of one's sexuality.
Again, I don't know for sure what they situation is, and I'm sure there are many occurrences of two people of the same gender living together out of convenience, or friendship. I'm hopeful that's the situation. Regardless, under any circumstances, getting new neighbors can be an adventure, for many reasons beyond lifestyles. Because we are losing two great friends, I'm going to be saddened by this occurrence.
Maybe I should look on the bright side, it could be those two girls from the Miller Lite ads moving in, or Coors' "twins!"
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7 comments:
Kevin,
Don't jump to conclusions. It could be a family purchase (my wife bought the house we live in with her mother) or some other arrangement. But for argument's sake let's assume they are a lesbian couple. That doesn't mean that as soon as the moving van pulls up that they are going to march to your front door and say, "We're lesbians, we bought the hoouse next door, DEAL with it!" And I'd be shocked if they brought it up at all in front of your kids. Not all homosexuals are militant or even vocally demanding that you accept them openly. In all likelihood they will be much like any other neighbor that moves in and will respond to welcoming courtesies just like anyone else. As far as having to discuss it with your kids....if they are very young and don't have a real grasp or curiosity about heterosexuality then I don't think this will cause the floodgates to open with homosexuality questions. Stay cool and show them you are a great neighbor to have. And I am sorry that you lost your neighbor to the move. That is always tough. Good neighbors are hard to come by.
Ted
Kevin,
A wide variety of things came to mind as I read, chief among them being the thought that since I'm not a Christian I can never hope to completely understand the Christian viewpoint - I'm not familiar with it, I haven't been brought up with it, I do not hold the same beliefs.
I've never been a religious person. I don't have values based on religious beliefs, and I'm part of a society full of people like me. It's probably because of that that I can sit here and admire the guts of a man who isn't like me, who has his beliefs and values them strongly. If your suspicions are true, then your reasons for being concerned about discussing things with your children are, in my view, admirable. IF they're true...we shall see.
Brave post, mate, nice work.
Cheers,
Adam
Hey Ted,
Great points... Let me also say my intention wouldn't be to just close our doors to them. That wouldn't be very Christian-like. Of course we'll be cordial, and neighborly (e.g., if they need a stick of butter, we'll give it to them, if they need to borrow a tool, we'll loan it, we'll say "hello" and make small talk, etc.). Again, I think some folks miscontrue my statement about disagreeig with homosexuality as meaning I'm against gays. That's not the case. I simply don't condone their lifestyle. Nor do I condone the lifestyles of the promiscuous (e.g. the college girl or guy that goes to bars every weekend and sleeps with someone new), the recreational drug user, etc. As an analogy, if my new neighbors smoked dope, I wouldn't want the influence on my kids, because I disagree with it. In other words, I wouldn't want my kids spending a lot of time with them, especially when they're firing up the dope. In the same vein, I would certainly introduce my kids, and allow them interaction with gay neighbors; I just wouldn't let the neighbors babysit, or something, you know?
Hey Adam,
I might be different than most "mainstream" Christians, who at times seem to pick and choose which beliefs they like, based upon THEIR desires, not God's. I believe that every word in the Bible is inerrant and true, and it's our duty to live by God's word. Of course, if we use the Bible as a mirror, we all fall short of the glory of God. No one, other than Jesus, has or can live a perfect life. Therefore, we need a savior to become holy, and able to be in God's presence (heaven) when we die. Mercifully, salvation is free, IF you choose to believe in God, Jesus, and the resurrection, AND you repent (try not to sin).
I absolutely sin every day - sometimes willingly. We Christians battle the desires of our own flesh, and supress the desires of the Holy Spirit, on a daily basis, just like everyone else. However, repentence means changing our lives (being 'born again') and forgoing our sinful ways. For example, if I was a prostitute, I would need to give up that profession, because it would be adulterous and sexually immoral under the Bible's definition.
Contrary to what some might say, the Bible is pretty clear in its stance on homosexuality. No where does it say to hate homosexuals; it's just pretty plain that according to the Bible, it's a sinful lifestyle. I can't be a Christian, and support or condone homosexuality. Again, that doesn't mean I can't work with homosexuals, live next to homosexuals, talk to homosexuals, etc. It doesn't mean that I think a homosexual can't be a good person. I just can't and won't say that it's not a sin to be a homosexual. They're sinners, I'm a sinner. I'm repenting, they're not. That difference has significant meaning for one's eternal soul, according to my beliefs.
I want to try to keep sinful influences away from my children. We monitor what TV they watch, what music they listen to, what books they read, what games they play, etc. Those influences today can have a significant impact on their beliefs as adults. It's our duty as Christian parents to raise our kids according to the Bible's guidelines. I can't do that, and tell our kids it's "okay" to be gay, or to steal, or to lie, etc. Certainly God loves all sinners, but each of us is accountable for our lives. Those that don't have the blood of Christ as their account, will have to give an account of their own lives on judgment day, by the Bible's standard. For all of us in this world, that wouldn't be pretty, gays and heterosexuals alike.
Lastly, to be clear, I respect each person's opinions and beliefs, and their right to have them. Some of my Christian bretheren don't do a very good job of that. I may not agree with you (not you specifically), but it doesn't mean I don't like you, or that I don't want to associate with you, you know? For example, if I found out you were gay, it wouldn't change my relationship with you one bit. If you asked me what I thought, then I'd share with you that I believed it was wrong to live that way, and leave it at that. Again, I believe each person is responsible for their own actions, and each person has a right to live they way they choose, at least according to the law.
I guess I could go on for hours, but I won't! :)
Thanks for the support...
Kevin
Did you ask to be born a heterosexual? Do you think they asked to be born homosexual? It's not a choice. It's just how you are born. Blame chromosomes or the like, but it exists and it's a way of life. You don't choose it - you just are or aren't.
Your kids won't become homosexuals because they are exposed to it but maybe they can learn tolerance and acceptance.
People were ostracized due to the color of their skin! Look how that has changed.
As for the bible, it also tells you not to eat shellfish so, for your sake, I hope you don't eat shrimp. The bible also talks about and eye for an eye---it's all about interpretation.
What two people do in the privacy of their own home so long as both are consenting is none of my business...yes, I am a liberal.
Open your heart and your mind. We don't ask or choose to be born any more than we ask or choose our sexual preferance.
They might be really nice people and really great neighbors - it could be worse - you could live near a child molester or murder--sometimes you have to choose your battles.
Oh, and it's never wise to make assumptions - gather the facts first. I know I am not in a position to judge anyone and I would hope people don't judge me. Accept me for who i am and i will afford you the same.
If your view is that of christians, then i guess you know why I left the church (and yes, I am a hetero!)
Good luck and keep us "posted."
This is interesting on so many levels. First, what about God saying "Love they neighbor" (so i agree with the bible and how it's all interpretational.)
Second, usually heterosexual men are more accepting of lesbians than they are of homosexual men. That has been my experience anyway (and the opposite holds true for women).
I guess I'd be more concerned if a police officer came to my door and said "We're here to advise you that a known and convicted child molestor will be moving next door..."
There's enough in life to worry about - don't go searching for more!
Anonymous,
Thanks so much for a well thought-out reply, without "attacking" me for holding contrarian beliefs. I'd like to respond to some of your thoughts...
First of all, I'm pretty sure it hasn't been scientifically proven that homosexuality is strictly based on DNA. There might be some empirical scientific evidence, but it's hardly conclusive. I believe that some people may indeed be predisposed to homosexuality, but I also think environmental influences play a big part. In summary, one big difference between you and I is that I think homosexuality is a CHOICE, and I'd bet many homosexuals feel the same way (in other words, they don't believe there's something genetically "wrong" with them).
Let me also explain the difference between intolerance and disapproval, at least from the perspective with which I made this post. Intolerance, to me, means I will not put up with something; I'll act on it to remove it from the environment, or whatever the situation is. Disapproval means I don't agree with whatever is going on. I'm NOT intolerant of homosexuals; I merely disapprove of the choices they make for their lives. I have no motivation to try to "rid the world," or even my neighborhood, workplace, etc., of homosexuals. Again, I believe that we're all responsible for our own actions, and just like me, homosexuals are responsible for theirs. In America, they have the right to live that way, and I'm not trying to surpress anyone's rights, as long as they're not in conflict with the law.
Let me use an example to illustrate how I feel... In high school, I had friends who smoked marijuana. I didn't agree with that choice, but they were still my friends. I just didn't associate with them in that activity. Smoking marijuana (or even drinking, if you want to use that analogy) was something they chose to do, and they were responsible for their actions. If I knew they were going to participate in that activity, I would remove myself from the situation. In turn, they respected my beliefs, and didn't encourag me to partake, nor did they make me feel less or inferior for not making the same choices they were making. If my neighbors are indeed homosexual, I hope we can be respect each others beliefs. I certainly won't go on the "offensive" agains their personal choices. I can accept people for who they are, but that doens't mean I have to agree with or support the choices they make.
Because I believe homosexuality is a choice, there is no real comparison to racism. I AM intolerant of racism; one cannot choose or change the color of one's skin. One can choose to be homosexual. As a matter of fact, there are many Christians who have forgone that lifestyle.
The Bible is indeed full of many rules like you mentioned. However, those rules applied to the old covenant, before the arrival of Christ. Christians are under the new covenant of salvation, so rules like not eating shellfish don't apply. If they did, we'd all be sacrificing our best livestock at church, instead of praying for forgiveness!
I'm in agreement with you about what people do in the privacy of their own home. Again, I feel each of us is responsible for our own actions, pursuant to the law. My fear would be explaining why two women would be holding hands and kissing each other passionately, or something of the like, to my children.
Lastly, the whole premise of the post was based upon an assumption, which I believe I indicated clearly. I certainly am not going to assume anything. Regardless of whether they are homosexual or not, I'll still be "neighborly." How they live their lives, whether it's sexuality, drugs, or anything else I believe would be a bad influence on my kids or us, will dictate how much I try to relate to them. Did you read some of my comments above? It certainly wouldn't be Christian-like to shut my door to a neighboor in need, and I wouldn't do that. Again, I believe homosexually is a sin, but I also acknowledge that according to my beliefs, I'm no less of a sinner than anyone else. I don't view myself as "better," because I'm not gay, or something.
I appreciate intelligent, respectful discussion. I certainly am open to other's thoughts and opinions, and I'm not afraid to chance my stance if someone introduces ideas or thoughts to me that I haven't evaluated. In our case here, I've thought over many of the things you've mentioned. I think the main crux of our differences of opinion is based upon whether or not homosexuality is a choice.
If you want to discuss this further, please continue to post comments, or shoot me an e-mail (the addy is on the site). As a Christian, I'm sorry to hear you left the church, but again, that's your prerogative and your right. I hope you understand that I don't view myself as "better" or more "enlightened," or anything. I respect your thoughts and opinions, even though they differ from mine.
Kevin
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