Fight or Flight?

I want to have more clarity than I do. Most of the time I fly by the seat of my pants or put out all the fires that spark, flash and spit - then try to engulf me.
Sometimes I stay and fight.
Other times I flee the scene.

I want to be more grounded.

I want to be proactive versus reactive.

I used to be.

Funny when you don’t recognize those things you knew so well about yourself.
But that’s what’s cool about starting over. No one knows you and you can be whoever and whatever you want to be.
Sort of a re-creation.
Still you, but with better nuances.

It’s hard for me to be “committed” to much of anything. There are plenty of reasons for that. Get to close and the illusion is forever spoiled. I don’t want to get too comfortable either – because then you don’t see it coming.

I hate that.

So, among other things, working 5 days a week after several wonderful years of 4 day work weeks – well – it’s claustrophobic to my very being! It messes with my semblance of sanity. With me, occasionally, it’s FIGHT OR FLIGHT. Sometimes I just need to go. Get out. Be FREE. If not, I’ll fight you for all the reasons that make sense and every one that doesn’t. I don’t mean to be combative. I just need to know that I can walk away, from anything…
...and this time, it’s my choice.

I’ve been leaving early and taking days off work pretty much all summer. A caged bird can’t fly but it also won’t sing.

It will sing for freedom.

I want to sing.

So they have to set me free... for a week…

…And if I come back…

…Then it was meant to be.

I WILL COME BACK…

…But that’ll be our secret. Don’t tell them!

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These are the things that I miss
These are not times for the weak of heart
These are the days of raw despondence
I never dreamed I would have to lay down my torch for you like this.
One step – One prayer – I soldier on, simulating moving on
~Alanis Morissette/The Torch/Flavors of Entanglement

Sometimes solutions aren’t so simple
Sometimes goodbye’s the only way
~Linkin Park/Shadow of the Day/Minutes to Midnight

I Believe...That you can keep going long after you think you can't
~Unknown